Shakespeare Funny Quotes Shakespeare Funny Quotes

The Complete Quirks of Shakespeare The Bard on TV, on Film and in Popular Culture since 1945 Humorous Quotations about William Shakespeare, his Works, his Characters and his Legend. TO BE PUBLISHED IN 2011 400 years after his death, Shakespeare remains a global cultural icon. His legacy of plays, characters and oft-repeated quotes continues to interest and inspire millions: from Hollywood to Bollywood, from young students to old sages of the stage, from sitcom writers to rap artists. Consequently, there is a never-ending stream of books on Shakespeare's plays, quotations, controversies and even his theatrical insults and love verses. But … there has not been a stand alone quotes book that looks directly at the Bard himself, revealing how today's popular culture (film, TV, pop music, the Press, etc.) views Shakespeare. "When Shakespeare wrote and staged his plays in the 16th century, he spoke to the masses in a very visceral way. The playwright often highlighted young people doing the following: falling in love; brooding and sulking; having sex; playing wild tricks on each other; and, quite often, killing one another. Shakespeare's plays were a lot like the teen flicks of today. Or is that vice-versa?" Kit Bowen on Hollywood.com (2003) Unlike the abundance of arid academic books that dryly re-examine Shakespeare's life and work, The Complete Quirks is a fun-packed, though-provoking trawl through the enlightening eyes of popular culture. It is filled to overflowing with outrageous one-liners, insightful impressions and imitations, satirical song lyrics and poems, articulate allusions and rip-roaring reviews. As well as being a humour book for adults, The Complete Quirks will also appeal to young adult/late teen students who are increasingly being asked to compare the Bard with today's popular icons and contemporary commentators. Where else would street rappers, road movie actors and The Great White Way mix it so seamlessly and educationally? "Some of TV's sorriest hacks, taking consolation from the fact that Shakespeare wrote for the masses, argue that if he were alive today he, too, would be writing for TV. (Writing what? Prospero's Island? Fresh Prince of Denmark? Polonius Knows Best?)" Francis David, Recognition Humour in The Atlantic Monthly This book covers Shakespeare's plays, sonnets, characters, famous lines, language, word play, stage productions, movie adaptations, song tributes, artistic allusions, as well as the Bard himself … as seen by some of the most well-known and best-loved names in prevailing popular culture. "One of the most blissful joys of the English language is the fact that one of its greatest practitioners ever, one of the guys on the very top table of all, was a jokesmith. Though maybe it shouldn't be that big a surprise. Who else would be up there? Austen, of course, Dickens and Chaucer. The only one who couldn't make a joke to save his life would be Shakespeare." Douglas Adams Under the influence of such celebrity names, people who had previously found it impossible to break through the language and plot structure of the Bard will now be able to read and enjoy, at least, the influence of Shakespeare's works. And who knows? Once people start watching movies based on Shakespeare's plays, and read allusions to his works and most famous lines, maybe … just maybe they will go back and dare to read the original texts. Ethan Hawke's 'Hamlet' - "If more classic plays can be updated with such brilliance, maybe more people will put down their Backstreet Boys biographies and pick a Hemingway novel or a Shakespearean play and start to understand the world around." Max Messier on FilmCritic.com (2000) A search of book stores and the Internet (Amazon lists over 65,000 books for the keyword 'Shakespeare') reveals that no book fits the distinctive or definitive framework of The Complete Quirks or matches its combined content, humour, originality, currency and educational value. "If Shakespeare has a singularity, it is because he has become a black hole. Light, insight, intelligence, matter - all pour ceaselessly into him, as critics are drawn into the densening vortex of his reputation; they add their own weight to his increasing mass ... Shakespeare himself no longer transmits visible light; his stellar energies have been trapped within the gravity well of his own reputation. We find in Shakespeare only what we bring to him or what others have left behind; he gives us back our own values." Gary Taylor, Singularity, Reinventing Shakespeare (1989) The Complete Quirks is made up of three main sections (ACTS), each divided into chapters (SCENES) with final scenes (EPILOGUES) for miscellaneous subjects and topics not catered for in the three main Acts. Each new scene opens with its own relevant quote from Shakespeare. The following sample quotations highlight the quality and scope of the content in this book … SHAKESPEARE'S QUOTES The Bard's famous lines and rhymes are reviewed, re-interpreted, requoted or revised. "Some are born lazy, some have idleness thrust upon them and others spend a great deal of effort creating a careless nonchalance." Beryl Dowling in The Times "Said Hamlet to Ophelia, 'I'll draw a sketch of thee, What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?'" Spike Milligan "A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell." William J. Johnson "Brevity is the soul of lingerie, as the Petticoat said to the Chemise." Dorothy Parker "If all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do the audience come from?" Denis Nordern "If you prick me, do I not ... leak?" Data in Star Trek: The Next Generation "Cry, 'Hammock!' and let sleep the dogs of war." Anonymous

THE COMPLETE QUIRKS OF SHAKESPEARE "People simply do not read Shakespeare anymore ... They read about Shakespeare. The critical literature that has built up about his name and works is vastly more fruitful and stimulating than Shakespeare himself." Henry Miller "Education … The ability to quote Shakespeare without crediting it to the Bible." Evan Edgar "Any world that can produce the Taj Mahal, William Shakespeare, and striped toothpaste can't be all bad." C.R. MacNamara in One, Two, Three (1961) "No amount of historical evidence will ever convince me that Shakespeare is the author of Pericles. It's like suggesting that Hemingway, taking a break from The Sun Also Rises and A Farewell to Arms , knocked off a few episodes of The Perils of Pauline ." Charles Marowitz SHAKESPEARE'S CHARACTERS A rollicking roll-call of the Bard's many unforgettable and inspirational fictional figures. Antony & Cleopatra "As far as I'm concerned Shakespeare should have left Antony and Cleopatra in Plutarch, where he found them." Tallulah Bankhead Katherine in The Taming of the Shrew "There once was a woman called Kate who made all her suitors irate, but then one of the guys cut her right down to size. Feminism came centuries too late." 'Islingtonian' Three Witches in Macbeth "There is usually something pretty odd about sisters that come in triplicate. Consider pretty little Cinderella and her ugly and dance-mad relations. Consider Chekhov's trio, high and dry in the provinces and longing gloomily for Moscow. Consider Macbeth's friends, bent keenly over the cauldron and intent on passing that Culinary Test for the Advanced Student." Arthur Marshall, Life's Rich Pageant (1984) Henry V "I know he's a boring old scoutmaster on the face of it, but being that it's Shakespeare; he's the exaltation of all scoutmasters. He's the cold-bath king, and you have to glory in it." Ralph Richardson Romeo & Juliet "Romeo and Juliet spend a lot of time during the play talking without doing anything. Yet at the end of the play they suddenly become action figures. Shouldn't Romeo have made one of those long boring Shakespeare speeches, so Juliet would wake up just to shut him up?" Jim R. Feliciano, He Is Not Funny "Prince Hamlet thought uncle a traitor for having it off with his Mater; revenge Dad or not - that's the gist of the plot and he died - nine soliloquies later." Stanley J. Sharpless SHAKESPEARE AS SEEN BY TV, FILM & STAGE Elaine Benes [Julia Louis Drefuss]: "I still have my tonsils. Everyone in my family has their tonsils. In fact, we were forbidden to socialize with anyone who didn't have their tonsils." Doctor: "That's interesting, because no one in my family has tonsils, and we were forbidden to socialize with tonsil people." Jerry Seinfeld: "Well, it's like the Capulets and the Montagues." in Seinfeld: The Heart Attack (1991) "Look Blackadder, this is all getting a bit hairy, isn't it? I mean, are you sure we can even trust these acting fellows? Last time we went to the theatre, three of them murdered Julius Caesar, and one of them was his best friend, Brutus." George the Prince Regent [Hugh Laurie] in Blackadder the Third: Sense and Senility (1987) "If Shakespeare wrote a play about me, how many parts do you think it would be?" Pres. Jed Bartlet [Martin Sheen] in The West Wing: The Black Vera Wang (2002) "To wit, I leave you with this quote penned by my dear friend, William Shakespeare: 'When the shit hits the fan ... get a tent' " Evie Walton [Julie Walters] in Driving Lessons (2006) "Don't snigger, Babcock! It's not funny. Anthony and Cleopatra is not a funny play. If Shakespeare had meant Anthony and Cleopatra to be funny, he would have put a joke in it. There is no joke in Anthony and Cleopatra. You would know that if you'd read it, wouldn't you, Babcock? Pest!" Schoolmaster [Rowan Atkinson] in The Secret Policeman's Ball (1981) Discussing the film 'Romeo+Juliet' with his students - You know someone else was involved in that movie - who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo DiCaprio. And his name is? … … … William Shakespeare! And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat. Mr. Burke in Orange County (2002) "Macbeth was a maggoty apple! Not a lot of people know that!" Dr. Frank Bryant [Michael Caine] in Educating Rita (1983) Joey Tribbiani [Matt LeBlanc]: "She thinks she's the greatest actress since ... since ... sliced bread!" Chandler Bing [Matthew Perry}: "Ah yes, sliced bread. A wonderful Lady Macbeth." in Friends "Hamlet's mother, she's the queen. Buys it in the final scene. Drinks a glass of funky wine. Now she's Satan's Valentine." Singing Soldiers in Renaissance Man (1994) SHAKESPEAREAN PLAYERS Reviews and criticism on stage and film actors HARRY ANDREWS Othello - "He looks and sounds like an outstanding member of the British General Staff, sunburned after a tour of the Middle East." The Financial Times (1956) MEL GIBSON Hamlet - "To go or not to go, strewth, that is the question." Steve Grant in Time Out (1990) ANTHONY HOPKINS Coriolanus - "Hopkins came on ... dressed like a cross between a fisherman and an SS man, evoking doggedly a Welsh rugby captain at odds with his supporter's club." Anon (1971) MICHAEL HORDERN Macbeth - "This Thane of Cawdor would be unnerved by Banquo's valet, never mind Banquo's ghost." Alan Brien (1959) VIVIEN LEIGH Titus Andronicus (1955) - "As Lavinia, Vivien Leigh receives the news that she is about to be ravished on her husband's corpse with little more than the mild annoyance of one who would have preferred Dunlopillo." Kenneth Tynan, Curtains (1961) SIR LAURENCE OLIVIER Romeo and Juliet - "Gulping down his lines as if they were so many bad oysters." John Mason Brown in The New York Post (1948) PETER O'TOOLE Macbeth - "He delivers every line with a monotonous tenor bark as if addressing an audience of Eskimos who have never heard of Shakespeare." The Guardian (1980) KEANU REEVES Don John in Much Ado About Nothing - "As for Reeves, such lines as, "Come, come let us thither" do not fall trippingly off this surfer dude's tongue." Peter Travers in Rolling Stone (1993) PAUL SCOFIELD Othello - "His idea of a black man's movements consisted of a kind of Fairbankian prancing which came to resemble an orang-utan choreographed by Sir Frederick Ashton." Peter Jenkins in The Spectator (1980) ANTHONY SHER Twelfth Night - "He plays Malvolio like Groucho Marx dressed as a Greek non-too-orthodox priest." Sheridan Morley (1987) EMMA THOMPSON Henry V - "Thompson's Katherine, as girlish as a bluestocking and as French as Yorkshire pudding." Charles Weinstein (1989) TIMOTHY WEST The Merchant of Venice - "The Jew, played by Timothy West, is that familiar Rialto, the bad-tempered Hungarian economic advisor." James Fenton (1980)

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